💡 The Dead Man's Rule

How often do we hear - or set - goals that sound like this: "I need to stop arguing." "I want to stop being so disorganized." "I don't want to interrupt in team meetings anymore."

These goals feel like progress, but they have a fatal flaw: they fail what I call the "Dead Man's Rule."

The rule is simple: if a dead man can achieve the goal, it's not a good goal!

A dead man is fantastic at "not arguing." A dead man can "stop bragging". A dead man is the undisputed champion of "not interrupting."

This is the lightbulb moment: Goals defined by what we stop doing are passive. They define an absence, not a presence. They don't give our brains an action to move toward.

The solution is to flip the script.

When you or someone on your team sets a "dead man's" goal, the essential follow-up question is: "What will you do instead?"

This one question transforms the goal from negative (what I don't want) to positive (what I want):

• "I want to stop being annoying" becomes -> "I will practice asking two clarifying questions before I state my opinion."

• "I want to stop bragging" becomes -> "I will share one key data point, and then ask the team for their interpretation."

• "I need to stop interrupting" becomes -> "I will hear people out and bite my lips."

This is a fun but powerful way to challenge negative goal-setting and insist on positive, active commitments.

So here's an offer: listen to the goals being set around you. I bet you will hear a lot of negatively phrased (dead man's) goals. If so, ask the question: "What will you do instead?"

Good luck and have a great week ahead!