↗️ How to give better advice with coaching skills

Yes, you read right. Today, I will give you some tips how to give better adviceby applying coaching skills.

Is this a contradiction? No.

In your job of leading people, you may not have too many ‘pure’ coaching conversations.

However, you will likely use coaching SKILLS a lot, such as active listening, concise summarising etc. These skills elevate any conversation, including those where you give advice.

I will share my idea in three steps: What you can do (1) Before, (2) During and (3) After giving advice.

(1) BEFORE giving advice:

When someone approaches you with question for advice, be curious first. Start with the (healthy) assumption that people don’t tell you right away why they really approach you.

Take a moment to understand what they really want. This helps ensure you give the right advice based on what the person needs, rather than sharing the advice that you enjoy giving.

Example questions:

• “Can you tell me a bit more about…?”
• “What makes you ask?”
• “What makes that important to address?”
• “What else must I know to give you good advice?”

And yes, it *feels* like this prolongs the conversation.

However, let’s remember one thing: nothing is more wasteful than addressing the wrong thing.

(2) DURING advice giving:

Sharing ideas and advice with someone does not have to be a one-sided monologue. Whenever you are finished sharing an important detail, pause and confirm understanding (btw, “Do you understand?” is NOT a good way!).

Check how your sharing lands in the moment. Seek micro-agreements. Keep the other person engaged. Notice their reaction about your share in the moment.

Example questions:

• “How does X make sense to you?”
• “I shared my idea on high level. Before going into more detail: what’s your take so far?”
• “I mentioned 3 main points. Which one should we dive in first? Or is something else more important right now for you?”
• “I noticed you frowned when i mentioned the last point. I want to pause here. What’s your thinking right now?”
• “How do you see this point that we just discussed?”

Using these kinds of questions and observations ensure we stay in dialogue mode. The other person feels heard, understood and important.

(3) AFTER giving advice:

Once we are done sharing our advice, we are at an important juncture.

Do we just tap on our mental shoulder and congratulate ourselves, then move on with our business? Or do we take a serious interest in how the other person actually processes and applies what we shared? You know…like a coach?

Example questions:

• “How are you going to work with what I shared in this meeting?”
• “In terms of what I shared, what is applicable to your situation and what is not?”
• “How will you make this work? What’s your very next step?”
• “What kind of support would you need?”
• “I see your excitement about this idea. What do you think could go wrong?”

Summary:

Giving advice is not automatically a one-way communication street. Good delivery of a piece of advice means being intentional before, during and after the idea share. We have an active role.

First class delivery of our ideas is as important as the excellent idea itself.

When you put these 3 steps into practice, you elevate your advice-giving to whole new levels. It becomes less about you (the advice-giver), but a lot more about the person receiving the help.

Think about this the next time when someone approaches you for help this coming week!