↗️ Taking sides

I still remember it so clearly. In 2016, I had a client venting in a session about their super rude and unethical boss. He shared about biased decision-making, cursing, playing favorites. It was a clear case, rooted in factual, bad behavior.

And then I made the rookie mistake.

I felt so sympathetic for my client that I joined in the complaints. We both went on about how awful this person was. My client felt super validated.

When the session was over, I was left with a bad taste and then it hit me after - I had completely lost my professional neutrality and necessary distance. I had not coached my client anymore; I had become part of his system.

It's no surprise that my client did not call me anymore. That session ended up being our last.

It was a tough pill to swallow, but a valuable lesson: stay neutral and don't jump into your client's story. Neutrality helps see the bigger picture, allows us to reframe. Instead of jumping in and saying "Yeah, I agree he is awful. What a person! I also think he should be fired for this!", I could have asked "That must be crazy demanding on you. How can you deal with such a situation?"

This lesson is vital for leaders in other areas, too. Think about when you’re mediating team conflicts. If you take sides, you risk alienating part of your team and losing their trust. Or when handling employee grievances, staying neutral allows you to listen effectively and make fair decisions. And let’s not forget office politics—keeping a neutral stance helps you navigate tricky situations without getting caught in the crossfire.

So, whether you’re coaching or leading, try to stay neutral. It’s creates a more balanced, fair, and productive environment in the moment.

I can now laugh about it, but it took a while.

Anyone else made a similar mistake before of jumping in too soon and taking sides?