↗️ Thats a great idea, BUT....
🕑 1 min Read
Heard this kind of statement before?
"I love this, but..."
"That's a great idea, but..."
🤔
The part of the sentence before the comma sounds positive and affirming.
It lifts us up, makes us feel appreciated, gives us hope.
It connects.
The second part, introduced by 'but,' negates everything that came before.
It tears us down, makes us doubt ourselves, leaves us deflated.
It disconnects.
The thing is: it's very unlikely that you mean to disconnect.
It's an unintended, yet dominanting side-effect.
In my view, there is a simple solution:
Take a break after the positive statement.
If you must add something, use 'and' instead of 'but'.
For example, "That's a great idea, and I think we can look at it more closely."
I think this small change can make a bigger difference in our relationships and interactions than we can imagine.
Be careful: it can be surprisingly hard to eradicate this communication habit.
So, when you are about to use 'but,' pause and consider rephrasing.
I bet you will notice it at least a few times this coming week!
Maik
Maik Frank
Maik is a PCC Executive Coach and the founder of IntelliCoach.com. He has coached and trained over 400 People Leaders to improve their communication skills and offers guaranteed measurable growth to his clients. He also hosts the Coaching Leader Podcast.
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