There is NO such Thing as Stupid Question

A common habit in conversations—especially in coaching and leadership—is to summarize insights for other people. This usually comes from a good intention: to be helpful, clear, and efficient. However, this habit can unintentionally slow down growth.

When someone reaches an “aha” moment, it is a fragile and powerful experience. Stepping in too quickly to explain what that person realized removes their opportunity to fully own it. This is often described as “plucking someone else’s fruit.” The insight may be accurate, but it no longer belongs to the person who discovered it.

Growth happens when individuals name their own learning. The act of summarizing is not just repetition—it is creative. When people put their insight into their own words, they refine their thinking, strengthen memory, and increase commitment to action. This is the difference between being told what was learned and realizing it personally.

In coaching and leadership conversations, this shows up when someone says something like, “I think I need to trust my team more.” The instinct is to confirm and explain the insight. A more effective response is to step back and ask:

• “What did you just realize?”

• “How would you summarize your learning?”

• “What is your conclusion from this?”

These questions invite reflection instead of replacing it. They allow people to experience the satisfaction of discovery and to clarify what truly matters to them.

This approach also protects against shallow agreement. When people only confirm another person’s summary, learning stays external. When they summarize for themselves, learning becomes internal and more likely to lead to change.

The principle applies beyond coaching. In meetings, one-on-one conversations, and feedback discussions, asking someone to summarize their takeaway increases ownership and understanding. If something needs correction or clarification, it can still happen—but only after the person has spoken their own conclusion.

Improvement comes from learning, and learning comes from reflection. Reflection only happens when people are given space to think and articulate their own insights.

The most powerful habit is simple:
When someone has an “aha” moment, resist the urge to explain it for them. Instead, invite them to say it themselves.