"Yes" doesn't mean they got it

I caught myself this week, on a video call, just about to ask: "Does that make sense?"

I stopped. I knew exactly what would happen. They'd say yes. And we'd find out two days later that nothing had made sense at all.

Here's what I think: leaders ask the wrong closing question almost every time. We say "Do you understand?" or "Was it useful?" - and we get a reflex yes. Then we move on, confident, and surprised when execution drifts.

THE STRUCTURAL PROBLEM

A "yes" answer is socially cheap. Saying "no, I'm lost" is embarrassing. In hierarchical settings - and especially where saving face matters - it's even costlier. So people nod, smile, and we mistake their politeness for clarity.

Worse: even slightly open questions like "How useful was it?" invite one-word evasions. "Very." Done. Move on. No data.

THE FIX: PERFORM, DON'T CONFIRM

The fix is small but sharp: ask the person to perform their understanding, not confirm it.

Instead of "Do you understand?" -> "Could you quickly summarize the next steps as you see them?"

Instead of "Was this useful?" -> "What's the one thing you found most useful today?"

Instead of "Got it?" -> "What's your key takeaway from this discussion?"

Notice what changed. The reflex "yes" is no longer available. They have to construct something. And the moment they start constructing, you instantly see the gap between what you said and what they heard. 💡

TWO DESIGN TRICKS

Lead with "What", not "How."
"What is the one thing.." beats "How well did you understand.." because "what" demands content, not a judgment.

Constrain the answer.
Asking for "the one thing" or "the top two steps" is friendlier than "tell me everything" — and gives you sharper data.

A WORD OF CARE

This only works in a trust-rich environment. In a low-trust setting, even a great question can feel like a trap. Use a coaching tone, not a quiz tone.

So.. next time you're about to ask "Does that make sense?" - pause. Try "What's the one thing you'll take away?" instead.